Medical Complications
by niki-the-polkadot
Summary: Sasuke develops a rather embarassing malady. Sakura is suitably amused.


**A/N **

**Hey guys, found this one lurking in my laptop, don't know what I was thinking when I wrote it but I hope you enjoy it anyway =)**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Kishimoto**

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**Medical Complications**

_How to treat a Patient: A moral and ethical duty of care _

_By Sakura Haruno_

_In the confines of Konoha hospital, medics are exposed to an endless number of medical complications. Gangrene, common colds, broken bones, cuts, flu, extreme chakra drops, comas and more. These are all part of regular selection of complications that medics should be able to treat efficiently and capably. However at times a patient may not be comfortable enough to approach a doctor at the hospital and as such a medic must always be ready to welcome any citizen into their homes for a more private and comfortable healing session._

'Sakura.'

'I'm sorry!'

'Then stop it.'

'It's just that—' gasp

'—the all-mighty Uchiha Sasuke—' snort giggle

'—,has —' deep breath

'—AN INGROWN TOENAIL!'

And she proceeds to continue braying (likeadonkey) with laughter.

Sasuke sighed.

This could take a while.

* * *

Sasuke had felt a slight pain on his toe on his left foot for a while but he couldn't see why. Everything looked fine. No blisters, no cuts, no broken nails. So he had ignored it as usual and continued his regular training and obstinately avoided the hospital.

However he was being sent on a solo mission soon. Since he had completed his half-yearly examination a month prior to this, Tsunade had not body-binded him, placed him in a straitjacket and sent him to the hospital as she would have normally done. He had not mentioned anything about the twinges of pain he felt to Tsunade for she would have grossly exaggerated it and done something to either humiliate him or cause him even more pain. That sadistic hag.

Instead he had resolved to find out the root problem and then try and cure it himself. He had the basic knowledge of a medic and he was sure he could handle it. But when he had gone home and checked his toe that situation had worsened. It was now red, warm to touch and positively throbbing with pain. He had hobbled to his computer to find out some information on his condition.

He had typed in 'red, warm to touch and throbbing' into the search engine, forgetting the word toe. Hastily closing the window after seeing some images he had rather not have, he tried again. This time the results seemed more plausible. Scrolling down he found one that seemed to apply to him.

After reading through the page again he slumped in his chair. This could not be happening. This did not happen to Uchihas. Could not happen to Uchihas. Wasn't there some gene or something that raised them above the level of mere human? Apparently not, as Sasuke had just found out that despite being THE Sasuke Uchiha he had managed to develop an ingrown toenail.

Just imagine what would happen if Naruto found out. He shuddered and put the thought out his head. No, that could not happen. He had to fix this. Immediately.

The problem was from what he'd read, if the toe had become red, the area was most likely infected and Sasuke's basic knowledge stopped at healing minor cuts and wounds. He would have to get some help on this. There was only one person he trusted to deal with this situation with some level of professionalism.

Now the only thing to decide was to whether go see her in the hospital or at her home.

If he went to the hospital, there was a chance that one of the banshees, otherwise known as nurses, might spring him and he did not want to think about what would happen then. It had been bad enough having to go through the half-yearly examinations with them. Whilst the other ninjas were in and out within the standard hour, Sasuke had had to put up with being pushed and prodded _in areas he was not comfortable being touched dammnit_ for over three hours, most of it topless. After being asked to remove his pants, he had put his foot down and ordered that he have Sakura as the only one who conducted the examination otherwise he would forgo it. That had solved that problem but he didn't know if she was at the hospital today.

If he went to her apartment, it might be seen as too intrusive, too intimate. But then he _had_ been teammates with her and Naruto for over six years even if two and a half of them was spent with Orochimaru, deep down he had always considered himself a part of Team 7.

Lately though he hadn't seen either Naruto or Sakura much. Naruto had gone on a long training trip with Jiraiya and Sakura was busy at the hospital as usual. Maybe next time the dobe asked him for ramen he would say yes. Maybe.

He sighed. He would go to Sakura's apartment first and if she was not at home then he would go to the hospital. No matter what he couldn't endanger the success of the mission.

* * *

He had rang the doorbell and waited patiently as he heard loud crashes and a shriek followed by a string of curses that he was quietly impressed by. When had Sakura developed such a foul mouth?

'WHAT? Oh it's you Sasuke, come in.'

She turned and led the way to the couch. He hid his slight limp and walked over to the couch and sat down.

'Well this is a surprise. Would you like something to drink?'

Sasuke had been looking around to see whether he could locate where the crash had come from but he couldn't find anything.

'Where did the noise come from?' he asked.

She had blushed and looked away, 'don't worry about it, what are you doing here anyway?'

He had taken a deep breath, removed his shoes and socks and pointed downwards. She had paled before her face turned purple and then began puffing and hacking like an asthmatic cow. Which led them to their current situation.

Sakura seemed to have calmed down. Though she spent a good five minutes laughing at him Sasuke was willing to forget if not forgive if she would just hurry up and fix it already. She takes a breath in, smooths her dress and sits up.

'All right, so what you have here is an ingrown nail,' her face contorts slightly before returning to normal, 'and I'm guessing you probably have been training on your feet too much and probably after you just cut your nails as well.'

'Stamina training,' he says.

'Thought so. Well the problem here is that it's,'

'Infected,' he interrupts.

Sakura raises an eyebrow but doesn't say anything.

'Yes, so the treatment is a little different. Normally I would recommend a massage in room-temperature water with Epsom salts to reduce any inflammation and it would usually begin growing normally again. However now that you've developed an infection, it complicates things. You have a mission coming up right?'

Sasuke wonders how she knows as he nods. 'In 3 days.'

'Well we really only have one option, surgery. It's a simple enough procedure. All I have to do is remove the corner of the nail that's growing into the skin and I'll prescribe some oral antibiotics to treat the infection. Luckily it's still in the early stages so it should clear up before you go on your mission.'

'Can you do this surgery at home?'

She looks hesitant but then nods, 'I suppose I can, I have all the equipment, it's standard really, it's just that I've never done a surgery at home before…well's it's all right as long as you don't bleed on the carpet otherwise you'll be buying me a new apartment. Or we can just swap houses, I always did like your living room.'

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

* * *

'There,' she says as she finishes bandaging his toe. Sasuke tests it gingerly but the anaesthetic she gave him is still working as he cannot feel a thing. Or that might have been the vodka with the anaesthetic she gave him. What kind of a medic was she anyway? She claimed it was to loosen him up and would have continued if he had not laid a Uchiha Glare© version 60% on her.

Tch. Like she knew anything anyway.

Speaking of which she was lying on the carpet now after clearing everything away. When his eyes met hers she turned away and placed a hand over her mouth but that didn't stop the muffled laughter that escaped her. His gaze darkened and he moved from the couch.

Silly chit needed to be taught a lesson.

Sakura was too busy laughing to notice Sasuke moving and before she could blink he was hovering over her hands and legs on either side of her. Damn him and his unnatural speed.

'What?'

'I don't like it when you laugh at me Sa-ku-ra.'

Sakura swallowed and desperately tried to stop the blush that was most probably making her resemble Sasuke's beloved tomatoes.

'Well, I wouldn't call it laughing _at _you exactly, I'm laughing at your lack of skill when it comes to cutting nails,' she says unconvincingly.

Sasuke raises an eyebrow and Sakura laughs weakly.

'I think you need to be punished Sakura,' he purrs

'Punished?' she repeats faintly. By now she was sure the whole room was thumping in time with her rapidly pulsing heartbeat.

'Yes, punished. So I'm not going to pay you for your services.'

'WHAT?' she begins indignantly full of righteous anger, how could he think so low of her that she would actually ask to be paid for treating a teammate? A friend? She opens her mouth to let this irritating man know exactly what she thought of him but is interrupted before she even begins as Sasuke effectively silences her by placing his mouth over hers and the last coherent thought that Sakura manages is, 'We are _so_ not naming the boy Fugaku.'

_How to treat a Patient: A moral and ethical duty of care (Edited) _

_By Sakura Haruno_

_ In the confines of Konoha hospital, medics are exposed to an endless number of medical complications. Gangrene, common colds, broken bones, cuts, flu, extreme chakra drops, comas and more. These are all part of regular selection of complications that medics should be able to treat efficiently and capably. However at times a patient may not be comfortable enough to approach a doctor at the hospital and as such a medic must always be ready to welcome any citizen into their homes for a more private and comfortable healing session. Take note that any hot, dark-haired avengers should be encouraged to choose this alternative as it is definitely a far more rewarding experience for both parties involved. _

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**:D Review?**


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